I’ll start with why I loved you.
You harbor constellations within your darkness. I saw them the moment we started talking and I never finished trying to connect one star to another while trying to figure you out. You are an ocean filled with sunken pirate ships and lost treasure chests. I have braved to cross your uncharted waters only to end up drowning in your hidden depths. I didn’t try to swim against your currents because I fell in love with the frozen waves that set me on fire. I drifted. I drifted with the hope that I will find your Atlantis.
Maybe I did. I saw a glimpse of that ancient glory whenever you share your soul to me. I am always honored every time you do because I know you rarely open up to anyone. That’s why I fell in love. I fell in love with the mystery surrounding you, the challenge of the Great Unknown. I tried to dance with your demons even if it left me scratched and bruised. They were beautiful scars that I have turned into art.
That’s why I loved you. I loved your soul. I felt it was the missing pair of mine… my soul mate.
And I will never regret every moment I have loved you. No matter how painful, no matter how much it damaged me. Because that’s not what I will remember. I will remember what we had—our secrets, private jokes, shared laughters, shared love. I will remember that you loved me—a woman out of your league, a mere writer, a nobody who once wished that you will love me.
And you did. You loved me. Even if you no longer do.
Someday I hope you’d find your way back to me, that your map points to where I am. But should you choose not to come back, I will wait for the next lifetime and I will find you there. I hope you’ll remember me—not as the girl who ruined you, but as the one who loved you a little too much.
Yes, I still do.